The Lady in the Leaves

Eugene Tighe has added a photo to the pool:

I always start with the underwear, it is after all the base layer, the final barrier between you and Adam's shame. It must be supportive, but not restrictive. No matter how good you look if you're not comfortable it is impossible to be truly relaxed and that will make you awkward. I apply a deodorant with no aluminium salt content because it is a carcinogen. Next a white vest, always ensure your vests are smaller than your normal size because you want it to be fitted for there is nothing more unattractive than a sloppy vest. It is vitally important that you do wear a vest for the shirt must not touch skin on chest or back. Then the trousers, in this case slim fit grey jeans, carefully ironed. I wear '34 by '34 because I am tall. Ensure the belt matches the colour of the shoes.

Now the shirt, always French cuff and if you're not wearing a tie ensure the collar is not cutaway. The shirt in question is a Katherine Hammett. Add cufflinks, I avoid gold and never, ever novelty. Now the socks, an overlooked but nonetheless important sartorial area. Ensure they do not clash with the trouser and again, never, ever novelty. They must sit well above the ankle, up into the calf and must hide any leg when sitting and the trouser rides up. Now the shoes, in this case handmade in Italy from a single piece of leather. They are marvellous and I can assure you, very very expensive. Shoes make or break an outfit and extra care must be taken in their choosing. There was this whole naughties thing about wearing suits and hightops or tux's and Converse. Breaking tradition to show how outré and cool you were. Let me tell you, these people are fucking cunts. The tradition exists for very pertinent reasons. Next we come to the final layer, if it's not cold or raining of course. I choose a herringbone blazer in '40 regular because I am tall. The sleeves must end before the shirts of course but must not be higher than the very junction of hand and wrist either.

Now for the finishing touches. It is a good idea to establish a signature scent with an aftershave that reinforces your dominant personality traits. I prefer something masculine and classic, but tonight I am using a Dior Homme by Christian Dior, a woody musk that creates a complex and unusual scent that is often appreciated by women. I have fine, straight hair and I use a variety of product depending on situation. Tonight it's DB gel by Bumble and Bumble. The hair is the ultimate. Without exception the most vital part of your routine. If you have bad hair, you'll have a bad day. Your hair defines and embodies your look, so if you have wire-brush hair or some kind of horrendous Jew-fro try going very short. For those with follicle challenges, I recommend paying especial attention to your facial hair, working within the confines of your facial structure of course. I always like to carry cash in a money-clip, you don't have to be wealthy to do this but it looks good and often makes a good impression. I carry my phone in a special narrow vertical pocket inside my blazer, that way it does not ruin any lines. Likewise if you are carrying a wallet do not have it in the front pockets of trousers as it will create a ruinous bulge. I often place mine in the rear pocket or inside my jacket or coat. When it comes to wallets slimmer is always better. It must always be leather and never, ever novelty.

You may now add various personal appointments such as watches, rings, bracelets, cigarettes etc. I carry my cigars in a silver (hallmarked) case and choose a plain steel band for my left ring finger. This a good idea because women may ask if you are married, thus creating an opening. My watch is a Traser Search and Rescue, a good masculine watch. Watches must always be analogue and only gold if you are dark-skinned. They must never, ever be digital or novelty. I like my watches to sit at the top of the hand rather than latched to my wrist for visibility. Even if you don't smoke, carry a lighter. It is an essential social tool and mine is an engraved Sterling silver 1941 Zippo. Now you are ready.